CARSON CITY, NV—Bunny Ranch to Phil Robertson: “No Vagina For You!”
The Bunny Ranch brothel announced today that it was mourning the death of porn publisher and longtime patron Al Goldstein by banning Duck Dynasty reality-TV series star Phil Robertson from its premises, saying their working girls wanted nothing to do with the anti-gay, animal-killing celeb. Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof said the ban was a tribute to the so-called “Goldstein Curse,” a regular public tirade delivered for decades by Goldstein in which he lambasted those he considered the enemies of society in his magazine Screw, and on his television show Midnight Blue.
“Al Goldstein was many things, and one was being a tireless crusader against injustice and the forces of evil, those people and institutions who deserved condemnation,” said Hof, who was close friends with Goldstein and hosted him often at his Carson City brothel. “So it is in Al Goldstein’s honor, and his memory, that we are today inaugurating the ‘Banned From The Bunny Ranch’ list, which will be an ongoing monthly ‘black-list’ of those not allowed on the Bunny Ranch premises. We have our standards, and those that don’t meet them, like Phil Robertson, we don’t want around!”
Robertson was suspended indefinitely by the A&E Channel from the hit Duck Dynasty show after telling a GQ magazine interviewer that homosexuality was a sin, and compared it to bestiality. He was also quoted as saying, “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus.”
Upon hearing of Robertson’s remarks, and simultaneously getting word of Goldstein’s passing at age 77 in New York City, Hof said he was immediately struck about what to do. “It’s what Al would have wanted, for us to continue on in the spirit of the ‘Goldstein Curse,’ to call out those who deserve it. But instead of a ‘curse,’ we will expose their misdeeds on our website and the media, and forever ban them from the Bunny Ranch.”
Hof said that his seven brothels throughout Nevada proudly employ workers of all sexual orientations, and that the Bunny Ranch prostitutes were horrified by Robertson’s comments.
“The Bunny girls immediately came to me when they read about what Robertson said about gays, and how this guy likes vagina so much. They said that no way would they ever let him anywhere near their vaginas, so let’s ban him from the Bunny Ranch!” opined Hof. “The girls didn’t like Duck Dynasty in the first place because the show is all about killing ducks, and my girls are big animal lovers. But when he came out against gays, that was it, he is banned for life. If he wants any vagina, he better look elsewhere, because he’s not getting any at the Bunny Ranch! Phil Robertson: No vagina for you!”
For interviews with Dennis Hof or any of the Bunny Ranch girls, or for other press inquiries, contact Bunny Ranch Director of Media Operations Marc Madoff by email or phone 917-226-2206.
Pictured, l-r: Dennis Hof, Al Goldstein, John Wayne Bobbitt