Isn't It Time To Stock Up On Those School Supplies?

Family Research Council (FRC) wants to help! (I know 'cause they sent me an email.)

"As the new school year approaches, American youth are more than ever faced with daunting challenges that go beyond good ol' reading, writing and 'rithmtic," they recently wrote to followers in an email.

Gosh, what could those be? How girls in Washington state schools can avoid getting slapped on the ass as a "greeting" by boys raised by macho asshole fathers? Worrying about Congress reinstituting a draft, since they're not getting enough volunteers to go over to Iraq to get killed or maimed? Figuring which signs it's okay to display outside school - "Just Say 'No' To Drugs" - and which ones - "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" - the Supreme Court will take away your free speech rights for? Worrying about whether all those tax cuts for the rich will result in my school district not being able to afford to hire or keep good teachers?

Don't be silly!

"Supported by such groups as Planned Parenthood, the ACLU and even the National Education Association, issues such as abortion, HPV vaccination, and homosexuality continue to creep into our public schools and our very own households. Day after day, parents find it increasingly difficult to raise young men and women of integrity without being bombarded by the immoral influences fanned by the radical left."

Aw, sure - I should'a guessed!

"To help parents do this, Family Research Council is offering free back-to school-resources. These informative pamphlets, including Homosexuality in Your Child's School and Internet Guide for Parents , face head-on family issues such as pro-homosexuality education in our public schools and internet pornography. Also you can obtain our latest publication, Gardasil: What Every Parent Should Know about the HPV Vaccine."

Hey, I bet there's valuable information in there! And they're free!

From the anti-gay one:

"Perhaps the most shocking aspect of this activist assault on our schools is that they are determined to bring their pro-homosexual propaganda to the children even in the lowest grades - beginning in kindergarten.

"This agenda is depicted clearly - and slickly - in a film for adults called It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School. It features a schoolwide 'Lesbian and Gay Pride Day,' as well as a 'Gay Pride Assembly.' It highlights the achievements of purported homosexuals 'from Michelangelo to Melissa Etheridge' - 'leading the young students,' as one critic said, 'to the false assumption that being gay can't be bad because of the good things gay people have done.'"

(Melissa Etheridge is a purported homosexual? I thought she knew!)

Under the section titled, "I'll See You in Court," it says:

"Unfortunately, going to court may sometimes be the only option for parents or students who object to - or even want to respond to - pro-homosexual activism in the schools.

"There may be a number of other grounds on which schools could be held legally liable for damages for teaching about homosexuality to children. In addition to parental rights issues, they include:

  • Endangering the physical health of a child
  • Endangering the mental health of a child
  • Contributing to the delinquency of a child
  • Unconstitutional restraint of First Amendment rights through restrictive student speech or anti-harassment codes."

(Translation: Schools might want to stop your kid from wearing his - or her! - "Queers Burn In Hell" t-shirt.)

From the 'Net one:

"Most people think of Internet pornography as naked, airbrushed women or 'pin-up girls.' This view is hopelessly naïve. In addition to graphic sex between two adults, every imaginable sexual deviation is displayed, involving violence, animals, excrement, and group sex, to name a few...

"The Internet's dark side is not a passive danger. Pornographers have many tools in their arsenal to draw your teenagers into their world, intending to hook them for life. For example, porn proprietors hijack common misspellings of popular sites. They even take harmless sounding words, such as the names of animals, and use them for their web addresses. These web sites are both easy for young children to stumble across and easy for teens to hide due to their innocent sounding titles and lack of graphic words or descriptions."


And if you really want to show those atheist school administrators who's got the bigger dick, try FRC's $20 "Back to School Resource Kit," which includes 1) Five "Ten Commandments" book covers, and 2) a copy of How to Raise an American, "an outstanding book on teaching such old-fashioned virtues as patriotism, decorum, and a work ethic." (Translation: Don't question Bush's foreign policy; don't tell your biology teacher that intelligent design is full of shit; and don't complain when the minimum-wage jobs the schools are preparing you to do don't pay a living wage.)

Thanks, FRC; you guys are aces


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