PLEASUREBUSINESSVODAVN AWARDS 2014

I Get The Best Email, Pt. 1


See, there's this group called GrassTops USA - sort of a play on "grassroots," don'tcha know - that sends me the wackiest emails pretty much every day. Here's an excerpt from today's:

"What Are The Liberals Up To?

"Leave it to liberals like Hillary Clinton, Jim Oberstar and John Dingell to take use a horrendous disaster as an excuse to pick your pocket!

"A bridge collapsed in Minnesota.

"And it seems every time a disaster occurs, the liberals do two knee-jerk things: (1) blame it on President Bush and (2) call for a tax increase."

Now, if I can interrupt them right there ... Isn't keeping the country's infrastructure intact (or, dare I say, improved!) exactly what we expect for the taxes we pay? Of course, there'd be a lot more tax money available for such things if Bush weren't blowing $275 million of it per day in Iraq, but apparently, that's escaped GrassTops' attention.

Back to the screed:

"Left-wing talk show host Ed Schultz led the chorus of Bush Bashers, proclaiming that the only reason the bridge collapsed is because President Bush didn't give Minnesota sufficient funds to maintain it. I guess he assumed that liberal listeners were too dumb to realize that Congress rather than the President is in charge of appropriations."

Yeah, but a majority of Congress doesn't want this war to continue, and Bush has threatened to veto any war spending bill that has a timetable for withdrawal (or even a statement that we intend to withdraw) in it ... and sadly, congressional Democrats are too chickenshit to call his bluff. (Memo to self: Must do something about that!)

The nutbars continue:

"In 1993, the twin presidents, Hill and Bill, increased the 14.1 cent-per-gallon federal gas tax by 30 percent -- a 4.3-cent-per-gallon tax on motor gasoline, diesel fuel, and alternative fuels of compressed natural gas and liquefied petroleum gas.

"By the way, not a single Republican voted for the bill that contained this increase.

"So why doesn't government have enough money for highways and bridges?

"Because the Clinton tax was NEVER DEDICATED TO HIGHWAY OR MASS TRANSIT PROJECTS; IT WENT INTO THE GENERAL FUND and became a new barrel of pork for Democrats to wallow in."

Of course, that "wallowing" took the form of a multi-billion budget surplus for the year Clinton left office - a surplus that Bush's tax cuts and war have neatly turned around to a nearly $4 TRILLION DEFICIT added to the National Debt, increasing that Debt by about two-fifths of its previous total.

But, of course, it's all Minnesota's fault:

"In actuality, the State of Minnesota was primarily responsible for the maintenance of that bridge. Federal authorities warned Minnesota officials as early as 1990 that the bridge was 'structurally deficient,' yet they relied on patchwork repairs and half-hearted inspections -- and then this unspeakable tragedy occurred."

Well, guess what, guys? EVERY state is relying on "patchwork repairs and half-hearted inspections" because the federal funds that go to those states to help with things like infrastructure repair are being diverted to - where else? - tax cuts and the Iraq war!

But here's where these assholes have really outdone themselves in the humor department:

"People obviously fear higher gas taxes more than elderly bridges. Maybe they remember the Bridge to Nowhere, an example of how Congress spends tax dollars.

"In case you've forgotten, the Bridge to Nowhere was designed to connect the town of Ketchikan, Alaska with a population of fewer than 9,000, to the island of Gravina, with a population of 50. (A ferry boat already existed to transport people to and from the island.)

"If you think that such a bridge would cost no more than a couple of million dollars, then you would be mistaken.

"The cost to taxpayers of the Bridge to Nowhere -- are you ready for this? -- $320 million."

Not only do I remember how much the "Bridge to Nowhere" was going to cost, I also remember who put it in the spending bill: REPUBLICAN SENATOR TED STEVENS of Alaska! Yet somehow, the word "Republican" doesn't get mentioned in connection with this boondoggle.

BWAH-HAH-HAH! These people are so full of shit, they could could star in an Ira Isaacs movie.

Comments on this post may be sent here .







icon MOST COMMENTED NEWS
icon MOST VIEWED NEWS

icon AVN NEWSLETTERS -- stay informed
AVN puts an honest, funny, and skeptical spin on the state of sexual pop culture, celebrity, and politics.
AVN Daily
Internet Weekly
Novelty Weekly
Gay Weekly
The Pulse - The Industry's Entertainment Tabloid
 

AVN.com