Extra! Extra! Theocons Want Teens Pregnant

There's this school, see, in Portland, Maine, see, King Middle School, and they decided that the school health service, see, which parents can either sign their kids up for or not, will provide contraceptives on demand to any kid 14 years or older who wants it — so of course no Right Thinking American could let that happen, so Pat Robertson's American Center for Law & Justice (ACLJ) (not to be confused with ACLU unless you're as stupid as they hope you are) has decided to file a lawsuit to stop this Corruption of Our Youth (tm).

"Vince McCarthy, senior attorney for the ACLJ, says parents had other things in mind when signing permission forms," writes Pete Chagnon of the American Family Assn.'s OneNewsNow. 'Of course nothing was ever told to the parents about birth-control pills or anything like that; they're thinking band-aids, maybe worst-case scenario, aspirin or something -- you know. And here the school is passing out contraceptives to kids, and the parents had no knowledge of this whatsoever,' he says."

"The attorney also states that the policy promotes illegal sexual activity. 'In Maine, if a 13-year-old girl has sex with someone, that person is committing an act of sexual abuse and statutory rape, if it ends up going further than just, you know, preliminary sexual overtures. And so we believe that this [policy] is wrong. We believe it's illegal, and we are demanding that the school stop this procedure immediately,' says McCarthy."

Of course, the policy is only to provide birth control to 14-year-olds and up, so McCarthy's statement is what we in the logic biz call a "non sequitur" — but that's okay; they're suing anyway.

"This is an issue where the rights of parents must be protected," said Jay Sekulow, chief counsel of the American Center for Law and Justice (ACLJ), which specializes in constitutional law.

Now, I know these religious types don't think very clearly, but perhaps they can wrap their heads around this: When kids reach puberty, their hormones impel them to be sexually active. It's what'cha call a "law of nature." Doesn't matter if their parents don't want them to be. Doesn't matter if their ministers preach against it. Doesn't matter if the law says they can't: They will be.

Therefore, adults have a choice: They can either tell kids how not to get pregnant while having sex, and if they're really generous, provide them with the means to avoid it — like the King Middle School will do — or they can stick their heads in the sand, say to themselves, "Well, my little darling wouldn't think of having sex after I've already told her it's a sin to do it," and watch blissfully until one day, the kid shows up with a bulging belly and morning sickness ... and then, since abortion would be unthinkable, they can send her to one of those homes for unwed mothers, and eventually let the kid go to some foster home, since there are millions of other unwanted kids in the same situation.

Guess which path the theocons would have parents choose! 


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