Clueless In Gaza

A lot of people think of the Knights of Columbus as just another old-guy social service organization like the Rotary Club or the Grand and Benevolent Order of Elks ... but they'd be wrong: Check out their Resolution on Decency in the Media and on the Internet , which they passed at their "125th Supreme Convention" (they're a little full of themselves, don't'cha think?) last week.

"WHEREAS," they say, "pornography and sympathetic depictions of promiscuity in the entertainment media and on the Internet are leading to a coarsening of our cultural life..."

Jeez, guys, if you want to talk about "a coarsening of our cultural life," try "reality TV"; try "American Idol"; try fast-food commercials; try wrestling TV shows; try any of those Sunday morning shows (or, pretty much any time, actually) on the Inspiration Channel where "good" Christians about why gayness and abortion are ungodly and those people who do that stuff are going to hell ... believe me, there's no shortage of ways the culture has been "coarsened"!

"WHEREAS," they say, "the ready accessibility of pornography on the internet and the pervasive presence of objectionable sexual content and excessive violence in movies, the music industry, the video game industry and on television and radio is making it more difficult to raise children in a healthy atmosphere that protects their innocence..."

First of all, notice the new link-up. It used to be you'd see everywhere, "obscenityandchildpornography"; "obscenityandchildpornography." Now apparently it's "pornographyandviolence"; "pornographyandviolence" - which is just as much horseshit as the old horseshit was: Except for a couple of seriously twisted producers (you know who you are), there's no more violence in porn than there is in a lot of (I'm tempted to say "most," but there's a lot of whitebread out there) people's bedrooms: A couple of smacks on the ass, and maybe a hand on the throat to simulate erotic asphyxiation (not a good idea for several reasons, but people do do it.) I mean, it's not like I've done a study on it, but I'd be willing to bet there's more sexual violence taking place in the bedrooms of the Religious Right than you'll ever see in mainstream porn.

Beyond that: See, the thing of it is, is, kids aren't "innocent"; they're ignorant. I'm not saying that ignorance is necessarily a bad thing, depending on circumstances, but "innocence" implies some sort of other-worldly state, which in turn implies that the kids have been surrounded by styrofoam shipping peanuts all their lives and only listened to piped-in chamber music. But the real-world fact is, for the most part, if the kids haven't reached puberty, they just aren't interested in sex (except for maybe being curious about what the older kids are making such a big deal about), and once they have reached puberty, you've got two choices: Put 'em in a barrel and feed 'em through the bunghole 'til they're old enough that you're not responsible for them anymore (that's the Jubal Harshaw solution) ... or educate them about sex: What boys look like naked; what girls look like naked; which parts feel best when you touch them; which parts fit into which; what pregnancy is all about and how to prevent it; what sexually-transmitted diseases are all about and how to prevent them; why somebody might tell you they love you just to get laid, and how to respond to it ... and then don't freak when, for example, your son comes to you and says, "Mom 'n' dad, I think I might like boys That Way," or your daughter comes to you and says, "Mom 'n' dad, I think I like being tied up; it makes me hot."

"WHEREAS," they say, "pornography, objectionable sexual content and excessive violence in the media offends the dignity and integrity of the person and has a destructive impact on marriages and on family life..."

WHAT THE FUCK IS "THE DIGNITY AND INTEGRITY OF THE PERSON"??? My favorite author says, "a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best"; "It is better to copulate than never"; and that "Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily; all other 'sins' are invented nonsense." These assholes could take a page from that book .

Beyond that: When has any work of art - even the often-low-level art produced by the adult industry - ever "offend[ed] the ... integrity" of any person? I mean, how lacking in self-esteem do you have to be to look at Suzi Creamcheese being ass-fucked by three guys and say, "I'm with ya, sister; a triple ass-fucking done to you is a triple ass-fucking done to me." Most people are a little more sane than that. (Exceptions include Katharine MacKinnon, Diana Russell, Judith Reisman and their ilk.)

And as for the "destructive impact on marriages and on family life": What has America come to when members of one's own family can't discuss sex rationally around the dinner table or in the living room? If mom wants some sort of sexual satisfaction that dad won't or can't provide, why can't she say that? (And vice-versa, of course!) If the kids want to know how to masturbate ("The better to keep you non-pregnant, my dear..."), why can't parents explain it and, if necessary, show them? Have these people even considered for one second that without sex, there are no families?!?

And then, of course:

"WHEREAS, pornography is frequently connected to the criminal underworld, and is often a contributing factor leading to the crime of trafficking in persons and the sexual abuse of children..."

GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! What are these guys? Living in the '50s? (Probably...) The way porn was "connected to the criminal underworld" was mainly that Way Back When, no mainstream film distributor would handle porn, so the only way to get the stuff across the country was either to take it yourself (which many did), or deal with the one segment of society that didn't give a shit about what product it was carting around: The "mob." But once the Supreme Court gave some protection to adult material, porn's connections to organized crime pretty much stopped. And there ain't nobody "trafficked" into American pornography; they come here by plane, train, bus and car, all hoping to be another Jenna ... or at least to get a job where they don't have to ask, "You want fries with that?" And if you want to stop sexual abuse of children, you could start by letting Catholic priests marry... or by sending all the clergy to good psychologists.

"NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that the Knights of Columbus condemns pornography, objectionable sexual content and excessive violence in the media and calls upon the entertainment industry, the video game industry and Internet providers to maintain high standards of decency that will protect children and promote healthy family life..."

Get fucked.


Oh, by the way: To make sure that the KoC don't hear anything that might challenge them to "think outside the box," they also passed a resolution stating, "we reaffirm our long-standing policy of not inviting to any Knights of Columbus event, persons, especially public officials or candidates for public office, who do not support the legal protection of unborn children, or who advocate for the legalization of assisted suicide or euthanasia."

In other words: No Democrats ... and I'm not too sure about Ron Paul, either.


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