LOS ANGELES—Oh, the cruel conundrum of comedy. In a torrid little bit titled, "Do You Believe Pornography is Harmful to Society?" The Onion has published the results of an Onion Poll asking the above question to a nation otherwise unable to tie its own shoelaces. Color-coded to represents the states of the Union that promulgated them, eight responses are provided for the amusement of the masses.
But that's where the laughter ends. Fully cognizant that it has successfully brainwashed the American public into believing that every article published by The Onion is supposed to be a joke, here it pulls a fast one by actually incorporating real responses that are masquerading as jokes!
To wit, Texas and Nevada (color, purple) answer the question about porn's harm to society by stating unequivocally, "Absolutely. Look how much less violent and sexist we were before internet porn was readily available."
Not to be outdone, blue-balled Florida and Minnesota weigh in with, "No, it provides a release for the natural human urge to get double-penetrated in a pool house while cameras are rolling."
While brown-eyed California and Oregon add in earnest, "Not sure. Haven’t once interacted with society since discovering porn."
But it's pink-hued Texas and Montana that put an exclamation point of truthiness on their supposed joke of a response, telling The Onion, "Yes, and that’s why I refuse to pay for it."
Very fucking funny, you guys. We see what you did.
Image: Courtesy of memeguy.com.