HOLLYWOOD, Calif.—In issuing a press release this morning noting that “Britain’s Princess Catherine and Prince William were not aware when they made an appearance Sunday in the skid row district of Los Angeles that they were within mere inches of where scenes from the upcoming porn parody Rocky XXX were shot,” was adult director Will Ryder implying that the Royal couple were in fact aware that they were “on the same urine stained gritty block that [Ryder] selected months earlier to shoot outdoor training sequences for what insiders are describing as the best-acted porn parody movie ever,” as he so delicately put it? Inquiring minds want to know.
Rocky XXX will be co-released in September from Adam & Eve Pictures and X-Play, and according to Ryder, is expected to be one of the year’s biggest blockbuster porn movies and possibly one of the top five of all time, but he allowed that “an early coronation of this type was not expected.”
Indeed, as if to throw us off the Royal scent, so to speak, Ryder added, “Apparently the royal entourage and our scouting team came to the same conclusion that the Kohler Street and Ceres Avenue section of LA is as crappy as they come and would make fantastic backdrops for each of our unique needs.”
But was it really a coincidence? Clever Ryder is suspiciously circumspect on the subject.
“The duke and the duchess on their first visit as newlyweds to America needed a nasty urban location to show that they care about the underprivileged and we needed a filthy location where we could drive the camera vehicle down the middle of the street and urinate on the sidewalk without upsetting anybody,” said the 2010 director of the year. “Hey it was really hot that day and we were drinking a lot of water to stay hydrated.”
In the Rocky XXX PG movie trailer, one can see the dutiful Adrian, played lovingly by Andy San Dimas, and the sweetly pugnacious Rocky Balboa, played wonderfully by Anthony Rosano (pictured), getting ready for his big boxing match with Apollo Creed, as he trains vigorously running through the downtrodden neglected neighborhood, as he attempts to escape a mundane world and seek redemptive glory.
In the television news clips from the royal couple’s skid row visit, on the other hand, one is treated to the beautiful Duchess of Cambridge and the handsome Duke of Cambridge as they mingle with the common folk before fleeing the decaying warehouse district in much the same way Rocky attempted to escape his own decaying destiny, but in a bullet proof black SUV with police sharpshooters lining adjacent rooftops.
The Royal couple and their entourage, sensing the crack-infested and shopping cart-littered streets were dangerous, made a quick dash to a safer part of town before rushing to the airport to board a comfy flight back to merry England.
“You know Princess Catherine is a beautiful woman and Prince William makes for a dashing figure and I’m really glad they were married because I like that fairy tale sort of stuff,” Ryder remarked, adding, almost as an after-thought, “If you think about it, the story of Rocky and Adrian is every bit as much of a fairy tale. I’m very happy that the royal couple came to the same horrific neighborhood where we shot scenes for Rocky XXX because to know that they picked this crappy urine stained area out of the entire city is a very good omen for our movie.”
But was it a coincidence? Ryder isn’t saying, even thought he clearly knows the answer. Instead, he seems to be saying, in actions that speak louder than words, Rocky XXX will have to be seen to be believed. The opus stars Anthony Rosano, Andy San Dimas, Madison Ivy, Chastity Lynn, Lilly LaBeau, Vanessa Naughty, Jack English, James Bartholet, Jack Lawrence, Tyler Knight, Chad Diamond, Mani Cruz, Ron Jeremy and Mr. Marcus as Apollo Creed.
Rocky XXX will be in stores in September from Adam & Eve Pictures and X-Play.
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