This article originally ran in the May 2012 issue of AVN magazine.
LOS ANGELES—It’s easy to see why Anthony Rosano, Evan Stone and James Bartholet became the leads in Will Ryder’s latest parody, Not the Three Stooges XXX. As Ryder explained to AVN, “I had a couple of other people audition, and they would have been great. But I feel I picked the best three actors, guys who literally could have played vaudeville if they were 60, 70, 80 years older.”
Of course, it’s not just the actors who make a good parody. It’s also the script.
“I tried to write the script and the relationships between the players as close to what the Three Stooges actually would have done,” Ryder said. “That’s the key: Not only do you have to get the characters right, but you have to get the relationships between the characters down perfect also.
“Consider, the Three Stooges had decades to hone their relationships,” Ryder continued. “We had a couple of practices and the day of the gig. And obviously, two of the Three Stooges were real brothers in real life, so they really knew each other. When you think that three guys who aren’t related that have never played the Three Stooges before can get in and do such a fantastic job, it’s a real testament to their talent.”
That talent was much in evidence in several of the “bits” we saw. In one, Chris Charming runs a hair salon that provides “full service” to its customers, and the three knuckleheads get to watch Chris fuck the hell out of cutie Mandy Armani in his stylist’s chair. But after he hires the trio, their first customer is cop Dick Chibbles—and when he unzips, it sends the guys out the back exit quickly.
In another bit, the Stooges have been hired by a cobbler to repair shoes. Once they’re seated at the work station, the usual assortment of slaps, punches and Moe trying to open Larry’s head with a small rotary saw will have viewers rolling on the floor.
A trailer for the movie can be found here.
The final test of authenticity, though, has to be those memorable Stooge sound effects.
“The beauty of what we’ve shot will come to life in the final edit with the sound effects,” Ryder assured. “That’s half the battle right there. It’s really amazing; you could do a whole history report on the evolution of the sound effects of the Three Stooges by watching the various generations of Stooge episodes. It’s quite spectacular how it evolved.”
But while the Stooges themselves were memorable, what young men in their formative years watching the Stooges’ antics were sure to notice were the women. Who doesn’t remember lusting after blonde beauty Christine McIntyre, who spent a decade as the Stooges’ never-requited love interest, or cuties like Beverly Warren and Virginia Hunter, who shared an episode or two with the guys but vanished into Hollywood limbo afterwards?
Fortunately, the current production has more than its share of cuties, including the aforementioned Mandy plus newcomers Britney Young, Callie Cyprus and Bailey Blue, as well as “veterans” Danica Dillon and last-minute replacement Cassandra Cruz, who wound up playing dual roles as the maid who seduces Anthony by offering to “do anything” if he’ll hire her to clean the Stooges’ apartment, and as the Columbia Pictures “Torch Girl” during the opening credits.
How Cassandra got hired for the movie is a story only Ryder can tell, but it involves another actress who flaked on the main shooting day, costing the production more than just a “make-up day” in the studio.
“The ironic thing about the movie is that an orgy caused me to have to shoot a new scene,” Ryder said. “What happened was, I originally had two sex scenes being shot simultaneously on the living room set. I had a guy and a girl on the couch on one side of the room, and [cameraman] Miles [Long] was going to shoot a guy and a girl on the chair, and we weren’t going to cross camera shots, so we could shoot them simultaneously. But what happened was—and I’ve never seen this before on a set—it was two o’clock in the morning, and the cast got so fucking horny, all of a sudden people started getting in on the orgy scene and taking off their clothes and fucking, so my two distinct, separate sex scenes turned into one ten-person orgy, which is great for the movie and the sex factor … but not good for the number of sex scenes I have to provide, so I had to shoot another sex scene. … So ironically, that orgy is costing me money!”
Sadly, we weren’t present for the orgy, but we did get to see cute Britney as an artist’s model being manhandled by Evan, who’s been promised a fat fee if he can keep fucking the young blonde while the art students draw them. Look for hot b.j. action, followed by reverse cowgirl, doggie and mish while the rest of the cast just sits there gaping with their mouths open.
We also got to check out Cassandra’s scene with Anthony, which despite its dingy location—the Stooges’ bedroom—saw plenty of hot action, with Ryder giving in to James’ begging to let him eat Cassandra’s pussy until Anthony throws him out of the room so he and Cassandra can get down to the bi-directional cowgirl rides, doggie and mish before he splooges on her face.
“The beauty of this movie from a distributor point of view and a retailer point of view is that what we look for as producers is not just something that we love but also something that has a big built-in audience,” Ryder noted. “Just look how many different generations of men were or are fans of the Stooges, and the majority of the audience, the ones who still buy movies, is older, so I think everyone’s going to have a good run with this movie. All they have to do is put it on the shelf and I guarantee it will sell.”
Only time will tell, but from what we’ve seen so far, and with Ryder’s track record, we have little doubt he’s right.
Not The Three Stooges XXX has been released by Will Ryder Productions and distributed by Pulse. Click here to read about Ryder's skirmishes with a copyright holder over the right to make his parody.