VANCOUVER—As if the poor pornography industry wasn’t beleaguered enough, now an Olympic cross-country skier who failed to win a gold medal is blaming his poor performance on too much porn. Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset from Norway, who competed in the 50 km and won a silver medal in the 4x10 km relay, not only blamed the porn but also had some nice—if Odd—words to say about Tiger Woods.
“My name is Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset,” he said, of his performance in the 4x10 relay. “I skied the second lap and I fucked up today. I think I have seen too much porn in the last 14 days. I have the room next to Petter Northhug and every day there is noise in there. So I think that is the reason I fucked up. By the way, Tiger Woods is a really good man.”
In unrelated news, the Vancouver Olympics procured 100,000 condoms—or 14 per athlete—and still ran out. South Africa, which hosts the 2010 World Cup, isn’t taking any chances that it also will come up short and is doubling the number of condoms it is ordering.
Northug also is a Norwegian cross-country skier, by the way. He won the gold in the 50 km race by three-tenths of a second. Whatever noise he was making at night obviously didn’t have the same effect on him as on those listening to it.
There’s a message in there somewhere.