BEVERLY HILLS, Calif.—Hustler Magazine publisher Larry Flynt is urging Louisiana Sen. David Vitter to personally contribute “diapers and other personal items” in order to aid in the costly effects of the BP oil disaster.
In a letter sent to Vitter, Flynt acknowledges Vitter’s call to action that everyone help in aiding the oil spill’s aftereffects.
Flynt and his team of investigators assisted in exposing Vitter’s hiring of high-class call girls from Deborah Jane Palfrey, aka The D.C. Madam, two years ago. In his trysts, Vitter was said to have a penchant for diapers—and it’s diapers that Flynt—with tongue firmly planted in cheek—believes will plug up the oil spill.
“Senator Vitter has gone on record claiming that the oil spill in the Gulf is ‘too big of an endeavor’ for one company,” Flynt said. “Accordingly, in an effort to protect the coastlines and marshes on the Gulf Coast, I am asking Senator Vitter to use the personal articles that he’s best known for to aid in the relief. His experience in the discipline of ‘spills’ is unprecedented.”
The full text of the letter is reproduced below.
Dear Senator Vitter:
Forgive me for intruding on your valuable time. I know you are a very busy man, especially in regards to the current problems in the Gulf of Mexico. But that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. I concur that everybody must do their part to solve this serious catastrophe. And that’s where I think you, in particular, can be of so much help.
As I understand it, you have some expertise regarding diapers. I have no idea how many diapers you actually have on hand (quite a collection from what I hear) but as you know, diapers are quite absorbent. So, when it comes to blocking the oil that’s gushing into the Gulf, they might be a very effective way of solving that problem. With that in mind, I urge you to donate your extensive diaper collection to BP so they can use them to stop the leak by creating, for want of a better term, a giant “plug.”
It could be a historic moment: An ecological disaster thwarted. And you’ll get the credit for it. In fact, when people hear the word “diaper” they will automatically think of you. Hell, they already do.
Please don’t piss away this golden opportunity.