Sometimes, when you’ve spent a long time at a job, and then the time comes for you to leave, you look back and it feels as if it had all flown by in a flash, and that what had taken years to live feels like seconds in retrospect. But that’s not what I’m feeling as I sit here trying to encapsulate my time at AVN Online.
No, as I sit here the accumulated experiences of these years are active within me, and specific memories have neither faded nor amalgamated into a single sensorial mass, but rather are surging forward, clamoring for attention in my head, and for exposure, finally, into the light of day.
I could write a book, I may write a book, but it wouldn’t have the criminal luridness of The Other Hollywood, and I don’t think I have it in me to provide a poetic sheen to the prosaic porn crimes that I believe have provided so much ammunition to the anti-porn forces, and that could easily provide VISA/MasterCard with sufficient justification (not that they need it) to dump adult online transactions altogether, or nudge ICANN to approve a .xxx TLD, or inspire Congress to begin regulating online porn, or worse.
I confess to also feeling somewhat complicit in many of these frauds and misdemeanors, for I have either written for or edited online porn’s premiere trade magazine for six years now, during which time many of the most egregious transgression took place. (Keep in mind that I’m referring to the online variety only, not the brick and mortar sort.) I haven’t exactly been mum during all that time, and I’ve tried to shine light into dark corners when I could, but too subtly I’m sure, even though I wasn’t paid to provide investigative journalism to either the industry or the feds. Still, there are times, such as now, when any excuse seems flimsy, and I wish I’d been tougher, more insistent, more exacting, and far more specific.
I’m not sure why I’m mentioning all this – I mean, who cares – but maybe it’s because I need to come clean before I hit the road, and absolve myself of my journalistic sins.
Ah, fuck that. I don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m not a cop and AVN Online isn’t Newsweek. (But neither is Newsweek!) I’ve worked hard for many years to help provide valuable insight and information about how to do legitimate adult business on the Web, and I can only look back with pride at our accomplishments. Besides, AVN Online isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I. This industry’s biggest fights and challenges are yet to come, and I plan on being smack dab in the thick of them. In fact, it could just be that my voice is more prominent than ever, and people start begging me to go away!
Whatever the future brings, I extent heartfelt thanks to countless people in the industry who have supported me and this magazine over the years, and huge kudos to my staff, my freelancers, and my bosses for allowing us as much leeway as they could to let us do what we do best. That’s about as maudlin as I can get without throwing up. See you soon.