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ADULTVIDEONEWS FEBRUARY 2005 - EDITOR'S CHOICE - Baker's Dozen 2

ADULTVIDEONEWS FEBRUARY 2005 - EDITOR'S CHOICE - Baker's Dozen 2

Company: Brandon Iron Productions/Platinum X Productions.

Director: Brandon Iron.

Cast: Taylor Rain, Missy Monroe, Trista Post, Kami Andrews, Julie Night, Taylor Kross, Alex Divine, Manuel Ferrara, Toni Ribas, Julian, 86 other sperm donors.

AAAA 1/2

Running Time: 136 min.

Extras: Behind the Scenes, Bonus Footage, Director's Still Gallery, Trailers.

Of porn productions that would offend religious right anti-porn wackos as much as possible, Baker’s Dozen 2 is, like the classic scene in Spinal Tap, the proverbial 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. And that, obviously, is praise of the highest order.

There are facials and then there are facials, and few sights in jizzdom are as utterly depraved as say, Missy Monroe in the closer going beyond the call of duty, taking way more than the requisite Baker’s Dozen spunk blasts all over her pretty face — somewhat akin to the porno version of a Jackson Pollack painting — her features all but disappearing underneath the glistening downpour (“I can’t see,” she says helplessly at one point.).

And just like Missy, Trista Post in the opener, lovely Taylor Rain in scene two, and Taylor Cross and Alex Divine in scene three get the same mega-messy treatment. To keep the raunch level high, Cross and Divine give Rain an assist, slurping the funky stuff off her kisser at scene’s end, while in the closer, Kami Andrews and Julie Night do the same with Monroe.

So that things don’t get too same-samey (a pitfall sometimes of pure b.j. titles), director Brandon Iron varies the splooge shooting drill with some pussy and ass fuckin’ that sometimes precedes and sometimes follows the oral antics.

Iron has among the hardest, well, in your face porno sensibilities in Chatsworth, and with Baker’s Dozen 2, he puts it all together in an unapologetic raincoater’s wet dream.

P.S. — Speaking of the religious right, er, wrong, if porn like this inspires feelings of worship, as it undoubtedly does among the multitudes, couldn’t it be argued that the industry is a religion that should be immune from government repression? Just a thought, as ridiculous as it might sound.

Marketing: Stock deep if your uber hard-edge/Platinum X business is brisk. And maybe hand out a free glazed donut with every copy.

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