JESUSLAND—As all AVN readers must know by now, there's a worldwide epidemic of unChristian stuff going on around the world right now, and Movieguide publisher (and editor-in-chief) Dr. Ted Baehr, who also happens to be the board chair of the Christian Film & Television Commission, is fixin' to stomp the shit out of those unChristian atheists... with your help.
Movieguide, for those who aren't familiar with it—it's not sold on most newsstands or in most bookstores—is a monthly review wrap-up of Hollywood movies, both in theaters and on DVD, from a Christian perspective. We've previously covered Dr. Ted's views on some movies, and there are plenty more where those came from!
But with MovieGuide's overwhelming success in the U.S., Dr. Ted is anxious to bring his own special brand of pro-censorship to the rest of the world... starting with Russia.
"Immoral Media - A Worldwide Epidemic" reads the bolded description of one section of Dr. Ted's letter to supporters, itself titled, "Help Me Get to Moscow While There's Still Time."
"Russian families have trouble with their young people, just like we do in America," Dr. Ted observes. "They struggle with the immoral onslaught that movies bring into their homes and neighborhoods. ["Russian family advocate"] Alexy [Komov] told me, 'A large portion of the Russian population is concerned about the mass media's assault on the family. There hare Russian children who have been influenced to commit suicide and children who have been influenced to become prostitutes.'"
Dang! Just from watching imported American movies and the crappy stuff they're turning out in his own country? But wait; it gets worse:
"Seventy years of atheism has taken their toll on Russian youth. Alcoholism is rampant. The now freed youth embrace the sexually graphic and violent 'global youth culture' spawned by MTV. Into this chaos, Movieguide® Russia will be the voice of biblical truth to help parents protect their children and grandchildren from the deadly sway of the immoral influence of the media."
Of course, Ted's only 65 years old, so he may have missed the fact that most kids in every country, at one point or another in their lives, "embrace the sexually graphic... 'global youth culture'" allegedly "spawned by MTV"... or by the sexy pulp magazine covers of the 1930s and '40s, by Playboy in the '50s, by certain "educational" movies of the '40s, '50s and '60s, by magazine, TV and newspaper stories of pot-smoking, acid-dropping hippies in the '60s and '70s... need we go on?
Well, even if we won't, Dr. Ted will:
"After the Iron Curtain fell in 1990, missionaries flooded into Russia through the suddenly open door. But little did they know just how brief that door would remain open. Before long, the state church squeezed them out and reverted to an empty form of religion. We must not let this same thing happen to this critical Media Wisdom initiative. That's why I'm setting aside all other responsibilities temporarily to rush to Moscow. Time is critical. But to get there and do this, I'm going to need your help."
See, that "Media Wisdom initiative" is Baehr's attempt to promote the Russian-language version of Movieguide by setting up "the first ever Russian Movieguide® Gala."
"Like the Hollywood Gala, it will honor the movies that have moral, uplifting stories," Dr. Ted explained. "It will encourage the Russian filmmakers who struggle to make these kinds of movies."
"Movieguide® Russia can be even more influential than Movieguide® in America," the beg letter continues. "If we are successful, that means then we could then influence the Ukraine, Belarus and all the other nations in the former USSR. My heart beats at how critical this trip is.
"There was a time when a nation's media stayed within its borders," Dr. Ted mendaciously continues. "With satellite TV, pirated DVDs and now the internet, that is no longer the case. All over the world, the US is known as the source of vile media. Many even think that America is just like its movies. It's my proayer that through this new initiative we can change that thinking."
Actually, the rest of the world is fed by "vile" reruns of Bonanza, Gilligan's Island, The Flying Nun and other crap TV shows from the '60s and '70s that espouse almost exactly the "family values" Dr. Ted claims to cherish—and unless he's referring to nations like Iran and Uganda, there are few populations who actually believe the U.S. is "just like its movies." That's because many of them have access to television broadcasts and internet feeds that show that distinction every minute of every day.
So anyway, Dr. Ted wants you to pay for his vacation business trip to Russia which, he notes, "is going to be an expensive trip. Airfare, hotel, meals, ground transportation, equipment and supplies," adding, "The Russian believers are not prepared to fund this."
Adult industry supporters should free to donate to Dr. Ted's trip here... but in any free space on the donation form, some might want to suggest that once Dr. Ted gets to Russia, he might seriously consider staying there.